Dealing with family members with racist, bigotry, or homophobic tendencies can be uncomfortable and challenging. No one should have to be exposed to these beliefs, and it can leave us feeling powerless in the face of an older relative or a person we feel closely connected to. To find a way out of this dilemma, we must first understand why people need to express such views and how we can respond in ways that allow us to express our values while maintaining a respectful relationship with our family.
First and foremost, it’s important to remember that everyone has a right to their opinion, even if you disagree. This doesn’t mean you should condone hate speech or give any platform for its expression. However, trying not to take the words personally can help provide enough space for meaningful dialogue and understanding between two parties.
At the same time, it’s essential to recognize that ignorance is often at the root of these beliefs—not just malice. Many people have been led astray by misinformation, or uninformed opinions passed down from previous generations without ever questioning them; rather than confronting them head-on, try your best to educate them.
Share resources such as articles, books and documentaries that might help them develop an understanding of marginalized groups. Ask questions about where they might be getting their information from and share your own perspective on the matter, if necessary, for them to see things from a different perspective. If someone is genuinely set in their beliefs, all efforts may still come up fruitless; however, simply highlighting what you think could lead them down more inclusive paths can still be worth attempting.
Finally, if the relative in question is unyielding and unable to have a meaningful dialogue with you, it may be best to take the high road and limit your contact with them. This doesn’t mean that you should sever ties with them entirely—after all, they are still family—but rather that you shouldn’t feel obligated to deal with bigotry within their own family; if conversations become too heated, there is nothing wrong with walking away until everyone has cooled off enough for meaningful dialogue again (if possible).
If worst comes worst, then perhaps some distance may be needed for everyone involved parties involved to heal and reconcile their differences in due time (if ever).
Regardless of what happens, though, know that standing up for yourself is paramount – no one ever deserves hate, nor should they ever have put up with it.
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