Provocare Coaching

If you work in the NGO or Government Human  Services sector, you have probably had to deal with your fair share of aggressive interactions. Aggression can come in many forms, whether over the phone, via email, or in person. And while it’s certainly not easy to deal with, and there are no hard, fast rules about the correct response, there are some things you can do that might help diffuse the situation and de-escalate the aggressive behaviour.

The first thing you need to do is remain calm. It’s easier said than done, but it’s important to remember that an aggressive person is looking for a reaction. So, take a deep breath and count to 10 before responding.

Once you’ve done that, consider trying one of these three approaches:

The 3 D’s

Dismiss:

This approach is best used when the aggression is low-level and/or not directed at you personally. For example, if a client is yelling at you about how terrible your organisation is, you can say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way”, and move on. Sometimes the best reaction is no reaction; allow the person to vent and respond when calmer times allow.

Distract:

This approach works well when the aggression appears to be building. By asking a question or making a comment, you’re essentially changing the subject and giving the person an opportunity to calm down. For example, if a client seems to be getting more and more worked up about an issue, you might say something like, “Can you tell me more about that?”  or “I’m sorry, I don’t have information to respond to that now. I will investigate it, but in the meantime, can we explore this…”

Direct:

Direct is the most assertive approach and should only be used when the other two don’t work or when the aggression is severe. With this approach, you directly challenge the person’s behaviour. For example, if a client is verbally abusive, you might say, “That kind of language is inappropriate, and I’m going to have to end this conversation  if it continues.”

Empathising with an aggressive person is key to any of the above approaches; it shows that you understand their feelings and why they might behave the way they are. However, empathy doesn’t mean acceptance; boundaries are essential and must be clear and enforced.

conversational tips for aggressive clients

• Use a calm and neutral tone
• Avoid using “you” statements, which can come across as accusatory
• Listen more than you speak
• Acknowledge the person’s feelings without agreeing with them
• Repeat back what you’ve heard to ensure understanding
• Ask questions to clarify points
• Always remain calm and professional
• Avoid getting defensive
• Set boundaries as needed
• Thank the person for their time

By following these tips, you’ll be better equipped to deal with aggressive clients in a way that diffuses the situation.

Remember, Sometimes, the hardest yet best thing you can do is do nothing and walk away. This is especially true if the situation is becoming too heated or you feel in danger.

Remember to put your safety first.

Dealing with aggressive clients is never easy, but remaining calm and using one of these approaches can help diffuse the situation and hopefully de-escalate the behaviour.

If it happens regularly in your line of work,  you should request more in-depth training and support from management and share your learnings and concerns with your peers.